Solar powered calculators: Are useless here.

Sand from Kuwait in a little Tobasco bottle: Will never throw away or know what to do with. Amazing what one finds when cleaning/moving.

Last three crackers in the cracker tube: Ugh. Just toss. Tastes like pantry.

Pencils: Make me nostalgic.

Pink: Someone shared this bit of feng-shui..pink should be in the right corner of the bedroom for luck and love in all relationships. I laughed but will probably find a way to make it happen.

Mandatory: -1 star. This word and meaning in general is very off-putting.

Meal replacement bars: Have the same calories as a candy bar so go for it, just not too often.

Lychee: Very good in its natural, fruit form. Very bad in martini form.

Peanut butter: Don’t trust people who don’t like it. Unless they have a nut allergy.

Flossing: Crucial.

Trying foods 12 times: According to a pal, the minimum number of times one should attempt food before deciding it’s not good. It’s worked with collard greens. Highly recommend.

American Halloween: Ages newborn to 6 – you’re at the mercy of your parents and will be the cutest bumble bee, pumpkin, ladybug. From 7 to 13 – prime candy years. From 14 to 35 now the guy/girl split. Girls will bring the sexy/trashy. Guys will bring the whatever appeals to them, usually it’s ironic, minimal effort or pop culture.

French Halloween: Silly American holiday, gaining in popularity but not by much.

Moving and Heartbreak (unrelated): People say the more you experience, the easier it gets. Wrong.

Maybe: Means ‘no’ from most people. Almost as annoying as the word ‘whatever’. -1 star.

iPhone 3GS: User friendly. Haven’t used my home pc since. Records video and has face recognition when snapping pics? Cool.

Sally’s Spa App: Embarrassingly addicting!! Must be the asian in me that loves doing people’s nails. Oh, no she didn’t.

Tully’s Pumpkin Spice Latte: When done right, feels/tastes like a warm, pleasantly spiced blanket. When done wrong, it coats the inside of your mouth with a thick, burnt tar.

Morning commute: Should only take 10 minutes. Takes 30-45 minutes. Never attempt without a fabulous mix cd seeping through the stereo. (See also, my review for ‘Music’.)

Pottery Barn goose down comforter: I’ve owned you for years and yet somehow you still manage to shed a multitude of white feathers everywhere. I vacuum, I clean…but you persist. I’m so confused.

HBO’s ‘True Blood’/Charlaine Harris’s ‘Sookie Stackhouse’ books: Awesome Southern vamps in all their outrageous glory. Quote from a bar patron as Sam, clad in his Levi’s, turns to leave: “I wanna wear him like a scrunchie.” Lafayette is hilarious. I’d like to hire him to follow me around for a week.

Seattle men: Tortured.

My yellow highlighter: Needs to be replaced but will keep using until there is absolutely nothing left.

The word ‘whatever’: When uttered, will make me hurl the nearest object with formidable mass in your general vicinity.

Magnetic collars on cats, so they can use the doggie/kitty door: According to a cat loving friend, fluffy will accumulate metal bits (paperclips, staples, etc.) throughout the day and may become stuck to the dishwasher/refrigerator while darting through the kitchen. Thumbs up.

Music: Good for the soul. Highly recommend. (See also, review for ‘Morning commute’.)

Naval oranges: When ripe and delicious, near perfection. When dried out – just throw away. Eat sooner or pick better next time.

Facebook: Loads of folks that make it worthwhile. Small percentage don’t.

Twitter: The cartoon bubble outside your head for everyone to read. Don’t understand scantily clad babe followers. Get really annoyed with people trying to get me to view/buy/click on stuff.

Myspace: Started okay. Got creepy. Now spammy. And near obsolete.

Yelp: Good if you want reviews of venues, landmarks and certain restaurants. Pay attention to how the reviewer comes across to determine if you should take stock in their opinion. If you’re un-pc, your reviews/review updates will get yanked unless written in hipster lingo. No longer a member. Wanna raise a ruckus? Mention ‘Seattle Freeze’ or ‘fois gras’ in the talk threads.

Orbitz gum: Does not make your teeth brighter, but is minty fresh. One = just right. Two = mint overload. When a co-worker asks for a piece and you hand over the pack with two left, be sure to school him in gum etiquette: don’t take both! Just one.

3 years: The deadline for some things.

Roller blades: Should only be attempted when encased in a full body Stay-Pufft Marshmellow man suit.

Friend’s babies: Can do no wrong. Even when they release massive mounds of uncontrolled wet poop.

02-NOV-09

To Whom it May Concern:

I am cancelling my gym membership. Your process for doing so is tedious and annoying. In order to become a member, all one has to do is go to the counter and sign a contract. To cancel, one has to:

1. Visit gym and explain that the reason for cancelling is that I’m moving.

2. Have friendly gym employee pull up my profile and explain that I’ll be missed and will still owe the month’s dues.

3. Be given a card for ABC Financial and told to call the number there. The gym doesn’t handle that.

4. Leave a messsage for person listed on the ABC Financial card.

5. Speak to person from ABC Financial, who then explains how to cancel membership:

- Send a certified letter to:

PO BOX 6800
Sherwood, AR 72124

Listing my 9 digit agreement number.

Now it’s my turn. You are to photocopy and distribute this letter to Gold’s Gym at your next team meeting. Begin the meeting by announcing:

‘THIS IS HOW WE ANNOY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO LEAVE. HERE’S HOPING THEY GET CONFUSED IN THE PROCESS AND KEEP LETTING US DEBIT THEIR ACCOUNTS UNTIL THEY FIGURE OUT HOW TO REALLY CANCEL THEIR MEMBERSHIP.’

I’m sending this certified mail.

Sincerely,

Zoe

——————————————————————————–
From: Zoe Silverdale
To: P
Subject: RE: Delta complaint from fellow passenger
Date: Tue, 30 Jun 2009 16:23:39 +0000

Hi P,

Good! I’m glad you finally made it home okay too. I just emailed Delta my complaint. Yikes! And a bad hotel to top it all off. I wonder what response we’ll get. I’m sure we’re not the only folks from Flight 1050 to complain.

Everything else was quite enjoyable – the wedding was amazing and getting home was a breeze. You and Alina were hilarious. I’m glad you guys were there.

Thanks for offering to show me Louisiana. Same here – if you and your wife are ever up here in Seattle, let me know! There are some nice things to see and great places to eat at.

haha…I mentioned stuffed alligator tail and no one believes me. By any chance do you have a picture or a recipe?

Kind Regards,
Zoe

——————————————————————————–
Subject: RE: Delta complaint from fellow passenger
Date: Tue, 30 Jun 2009 05:12:16 -0700
From: P
To: Zoe

Hi Zoe

Yes I finally made it home on Friday around noon. What a nightmare that was and I certainly hope none of us every have to go through that again. Your write up to Delta is GREAT.

I sent my complaint yesterday and said a lot of the exact same things you did. I added the quality of hotel provided to us was less then acceptable and I didn’t even use it other then to take a shower because I was actually scared to close my eyes in that place. (YES I WAS SCARED OF THE BED BUGS)

Other then the horrible flight I hope you had a great time at the wedding as well as a pleasant flight home to Seattle. Please stay in touch and again if you ever get down to Louisiana please give us a call and we’ll be happy to show you around.

It is my hope that we can all meet up again some day and it was a great pleasure meeting you.

Best Regards

P

Regional Sales Manager
Lafayette, LA.

——————————————————————————–

From: Zoe
Sent: Monday, June 29, 2009 4:58 PM
To: P
Subject: Delta complaint from fellow passenger

Hi P – Did you make it home okay? Here’s the complaint I’m sending to Delta. It’s rather long. Feel free to add anything!

Thanks,
Zoe

_______________

Flight 1050 leaving SEA to get to ATL, then EWN – June 25th

This was the worst experience I’ve ever had with an airline. This coming from a former military kid and as an adult, someone who flies worldwide often for work, family and fun. I will inform my family, friends, co-workers and anyone else who will listen about Delta’s customer disservice…

Flight 1050 was scheduled to leave at 6.00 am Thursday, June 25th. An announcement was made that due to a mechanical issue, our flight was now leaving at 8 am. We then got in line to talk to the gate agents, get a $7 food voucher, air grievances, etc. All 255 of us. This was the first of 6 lines. With 255 people. The numbers dwindled as the day progressed, but we were told our flight was at an oversold situation. So I’ll start with the 255.

Announcements were made to thin the line…”Those of you with connecting flights in Atlanta will get re-routed in Atlanta. Ladies and gentlemen, please have a seat.”

An hour and a half later, at the gate agent’s desk, I’m told the last connection for New Bern leaves ATL at 8 pm.

8 am comes and goes. Another announcement is made. We are given a departure time of 3 pm. We are then told to go to Delta’s main ticketing desk for new tickets. Located in the main terminal. Meaning we’re going to have to clear security yet again.

An announcement for Atlanta flight 1058 is made. I get in line for that flight, as do a few others from Flight 1050. The desk agent is the first unhelpful Delta employee worth noting. Any ticket agent can handle ticketing. He briskly replies that Delta does not have the manpower and ushers us downstairs to Delta’s main ticketing area.

Line count thus far: 2

Length of time standing in line thus far: 2.5 hours

I am now at the end of another line. Thronging mass is more like it. Picture two formidable groups (less than 255 people, but more than 100) hovering across Delta’s ticketing area. We’re forced into this awkward arrangement because there is no where for us to go. Those of us with a sense of fairness wait in line (if you can call the 2 formidable masses that form it, that). Everyone else sneaks in where they can. People are starting to protest.

There are young children, elderly people and everyone in between. Being forced to wait. We share stories. One young man has returned twice in 2 days. He’s been waiting to take his neice to the airport so she can fly back home to ATL. Her flight keeps getting re-scheduled.

The line moves at a snail’s pace because this is Delta’s main ticketing desk. Meaning, people on regularly scheduled flights need to get through as well. A Delta agent comes through and ushers more folks into the thronging mass of people. She makes an announcement about being patient. She tells people to wait in line. P speaks up and tells her we’re getting fed up watching everyone else not wait in line, while we seem stupid to continue doing so.

An hour into my 3rd line, I call Delta. The first phone rep is very sympathetic but unhelpful. She says I’m listed as being on the 3pm flight to ATL, but need to retrieve my ticket at the desk. There is nothing else I can do.

Line count thus far: 3

Length of time standing in line thus far: hours and hours and hours

Do I even need to mention that I’m hungry and losing patience?

Alina (fellow passenger) goes to the much shorter kiosk line, while I hold her place in the 3rd line. She returns with 2 $7 food vouchers and another ticket. I leave line #3 and enter the quicker kiosk line, generating a ticket and 2 food vouchers. We then notice our kiosk tickets have a departure time of 6 am. A Delta rep spots us, saying that the ticket needs to have the new departure time on it. She asks where we came from. I tell her that we were in the thronging mass line, but moved to a kiosk. She tells me to get back to the thronging mass, but before she can finish I tell her no. I point to the other brazen bunch of jerks I’ve just now become and tell her if I go, they go – they didn’t put in the 5 1/2 hours I did waiting in that horrific line. She immediately changes course and tells us to see ‘Bill’ – the first and only appreciated Delta employee encountered.

Bill looks in the system for other flights to ATL, notes none and spends some time looking for other avenues to New Bern, NC. Nothing else will get me to New Bern that day. Bill prints out a new ticket with a departure of 3 pm listed. He also prints out a few more food vouchers. It wasn’t so much that Bill was extremely helpful, but he was attempting to be and was empathetic. Note, Delta – empathy will get you far in situations like these.

Alina and I address the thronging mass, telling them that we went to te kiosk then just got in line. The kind lady we were waiting behind in the thronging mass mentions being a complete rule follower. She thanked us but continued waiting.

Alina and I re-enter the security line.

Line count thus far: 4

Length of time standing in line thus far: hours and hours and hours and hours and hours

Alina and I use our food vouchers at Anthony’s. Another couple we recognize were just paying with theirs. The lady tells me they had to pay for their cocktails, Delta’s food vouchers won’t cover liquor. Bad form, Delta. It was the least you could do to numb the pain.

Alina and I finish dinner and head back to gate S3. 3 pm rolls around and nothing. I get a phonecall from Delta saying our flight is now scheduled to leave at 4. I share this with fellow passengers and soon after, an announcement is made of the same nature.

What was I doing when Michael Jackson died? Sitting at gate S3.

P takes a seat next to me and Alina and we share our annoyances with how everything was handled. P’s got a connecting flight to Louisiana. ATL is Alina’s final destination. P and I wonder what will happen if/when we arrive in ATL.

We don’t board our plane until 6 pm. I could have worked a full day, driven to the airport and caught my flight. I understand mechanical issues, but the way in which we were dealt with is terrible. And only got worse.

We arrive in ATL a little after 1 am. I note again that we had several young children and elderly people with us. When we unboard the aircraft, we see one Delta rep. He tells us that everything we need –hotel vouchers, etc.– is downstairs at the Delta ticketing desk.

We arrive at the Delta desk and THERE IS ANOTHER LINE. It’s one organized mass of 100+ people, which does not include any of us. We were told, repeatedly by Delta reps in SEA, that Atlanta would be equipped/staffed to handle our needs. Leslie was the manager’s name that made that announcement. Leslie was mistaken.

One of us intrudes on another person speaking to a Delta counter agent and says, “I am sorry to interrupt, but we’re from Seattle and were told we’d have reps here dedicated to helping us?” She counter agent yells at her to get in line. The guy we interrupted said that he’d been separated from his wife and kids and was in the same, if not worse boat than we. We humbly shuffle back to the end of LINE 5.

Some of us are able to print our connecting flight info at the kiosks. Some of those people leave. One man got his hotel voucher to print. We all try. No one else can get their hotel vouchers to print. Some are able to get airline tickets printed. Those with connecting flights early in the am, hunker down for a few hours rest in the airport. I am able to get my new airline ticket to print, but seeing as my flight is at 10 the next morning – I want my hotel voucher. More time passes. Tired little babies are crying. Children are sleepy eyed and confused. Everyone’s complaining about stiff joints. I call Delta again. I get another friendly but unhelpful rep who tells me I have no choice but to wait in line. An Atlanta desk agent stops what she’s doing and pipes up, “If you are here to check luggage, the desk for that opens at 6 am.”

P laughs, “Ma’am…none of are here to check luggage.”

Barbara O. (ATL desk agent) yells, “Sir! SIR! I am NOT TALKING TO YOU!”

We all wonder who she was talking to.

It’s 3.30 am by the time I get to the Delta desk for my hotel voucher. The lady who gave me mine — I regret not getting her name — was extremely rude. She made no eye contact, was short with me and when I dared ask a question, met it with a surly reply.

The 5th line – Comfort Inn Suites. Fellow passengers greeted one another and cursed Delta’s existence. We agreed on the following: where was the empathy? Of all the Delta people we were in contact with (besides Bill), we were met with rudeness, irritation and annoyance. We are your customers. And this is how you treat us?

I called Delta the evening before my return flight to re-schedule from evening departure to early morning departure. I could not afford the risk of not returning home on Sunday. The first agent I talked to said she’d be happy to reschedule me, for a $50 fee. No fee. I tried calmly explaining my rationale for not wanting to pay Delta another red cent. She couldn’t do anything so I asked to speak to a manager. She came back and said the $50 would apply. I got very angry. I asked to speak to her manager. I was met with a cheerful man. While I appreciated him trying to lighten the tone, I explained why I was upset and laid out all the details of Flight 1050. He waived the fee. And assured me that with my new confirmation code, I’d be able to print my boarding pass at the kiosk the next morning.

Wrong. The kiosk referred me to a desk agent. And wouldn’t you guess, a long line. I called Delta. I get an unhelpful rep. Who tries explaining to me why I’m showing up as confirmed but without a seat on this flight. I don’t care why or however you term it – if I don’t have a seat, I don’t have a seat. I ask to speak to her manager.

I’m also now at the front of another infernal Delta line. I’m talking to both parties at the same time. The desk agents tells me I owe $50. Steve (phone agent) is chipper until he hears the background and asks incredulously, “Are you at the Delta counter?” I tell him that indeed I am. He changes his chipper demeanor and tells me that it’s going to take even longer now. I ask Steve if he can tell me why the Delta desk agent is saying I owe $50. Steve says he can see that the desk agent has confirmed my seat and that he should see that I don’t owe the $50. I tell the desk agent that I can have him talk to Steve if there’s any confusion. The desk agent says he can now see that my fee has been waived and he issues my ticket. I thank Steve and hang up.

The amount of time spent reading this? If you indeed read it in its entirety. Nothing compared to the time I wasted because of Delta. Consider yourself lucky.

This is written in a much more pleasant tone then it was experienced.

I’ve never met anyone from there. Until tonight. Her name sounds like, “Pra-neeta” and you sing it more than actually say it. She looked at me in a very friendly, curious way and before I could ask, she beat me to it, “Where are you from?”

I told her.

When I asked her, she said, “I’m from Fiji. Most people guess that I’m Egyptian, Middle Eastern or mixed with black.” Her accent is lovely and her eyes are indeed beautifully reminiscent of Nerfertiti.

I told her I’m a little embarrassed to admit it, but I know next to nothing about Fiji. The only reference I have is leaving a bar with friends. A drunk guy stumbles over and asks, “Are you from Fiji?” She laughed. When he asked, I had no idea how to take his drunken question. After meeting Pra, I’m taking it as a compliment.

It seems like we’re probably going to run into eachother again sometime next week. Nice.

I heard this fella speak last week. Tim Wise has been actively pursuing racial equality for 20+ years through activism, published books, articles and speaking engagements. ‘Between Barack and a Hard Place’ is his latest book. The gist of it is that even though we’ve got Obama in the white house, we’re ways away from racial equality.

What really struck me was his presence. He is a personable, teddy bear looking, middle-aged white man. He was speaking at Mt. Zion Baptist Church. He couldn’t help but stick out from the crowd and was comfortable doing so. Tim was funny, engaging and at times, orated like a Southern black preacher. For almost 2 hours. But he kept everyone’s attention and got thunderous applause repeatedly throughout the lecture.

Notes from Tim’s lecture:

The Huxtable Effect – Everyone loves Cliff Huxtable and the Cosby family. Our new pres has the same effect. Back in the early 80’s focus groups consisting of white families and black families were polled, asking why they loved the Cosby show so much. They said the same thing, “They show us what black people can achieve once they set their mind to it.” Sounds good, right? But then what does that infer? That if you’re not a doctor(Cliff) or a lawyer(Claire), that you’re not the right kind of black person — or simply not good enough?

Evan Almighty – Tim shared this story to illustrate a point. He was watching the movie with Steve Carrell(Noah) and Morgan Freeman(God), with his young daughter — 6 years old. She asks if Morgan Freeman’s character was supposed to be God. “Yes,” he answered. She then replied with, “He can’t be God.” Tim looks out at his audience and says, “I know, I know. I thought the same thing. But I was still hoping she would say something like, ‘Because God is a woman!’ or something existentialist like, ‘Because what is God?’” He asked his little daughter why Morgan Freeman couldn’t be God and she gave the answer he dreaded, “Because he’s black”.

Tim also mentioned that his household has no religious iconography – no pictures or images of Jesus. Where was she getting the idea that God had to be white? Society. He also jokingly pointed out that with children, you’ve got about 3 minutes to get deep, then they tune you out; you’re done. He countered with this:

“Honey, God created us in his image, right?”
“Yes.”
“Fossils show us that the first people came from Africa.”

“Okay.”
“What people come from Africa?”
“Oh.”
“So is it possible that God may be black?”
“Yes.”
“Great! Now let’s watch the rest of the movie.”

Notes from Zoe’s head: I agreed with many of Tim’s points. He also posed some interesting questions and things to ponder. Sometimes though, it seems that the more you talk about race, the more it exists. ‘Evan Almighty’ was a cute story that served it’s purpose in getting us to see his point. But I think he missed something there. His daughter thought God was white because she’s white, not because of society. Speaking as an older sis, children see themselves in God.

Talked to Dad and he mentioned an article he read about the urinals in JFK. They’ve got little flies (as in the annoying insect) etched in the inside. Why? So that men would have something to aim at.

“We’re simple creatures,” he laughed.

What cracked me up is how the flies came to pass. Apparently, the janitors/bathroom attendants at JFK were so disgusted with urine everywhere: on the walls, floor, etc. Some quit, many complained. A psychiatrist was hired to help with the problem. He recommended putting the fake flies inside the urinals.

A resounding success, European airports (Amsterdam, Germany) have since done the same thing.

mmm…Kobe beef. A friend invited me along to a special dinner the Paramount hosted. Also involved an extensive, behind the scenes tour. The staff was warm and informative, showing us some hidden intricacies:

- Beneath the stage where engineers have arranged and rearranged beams according to what set designs required. ‘Phantom of the Opera’ and ‘Young Frankenstein’ involve such special needs that they cut, fasten and add in creative ways that don’t seem possible.

- It was built in 1928. Signed cast posters go back nearly that far.

- I was in the room that Jerry Seinfeld will be relaxing in tonight before going onstage. Nice bathtub.

- David Allen, who has worked here for 25 years, lead the tour. It’s a labor of love that showed throughout.

Once seated, we were accompanied by a delightful couple and the fundraising manager. I asked about the theatre ghost because every historic theatre has one. The gal at our table mentioned ‘Ernie’. Apparently, he’s friendly (unlike the supposed Moore Theatre ghost — who is also supposedly female) and a bit of a prankster.

The Paramount used to be apartments or had apartments back in the olden days. Ernie and his wife lived there. When she died (of natural causes), Ernie died of a broken heart and has been delighting Paramount employees ever since.

The fundraising manager, being relatively new to The Paramount, wasn’t aware of Ernie. But he was aware of elevator problems. Elevator problems that only women seemed to have! It would stall, not open, etc. We put two and two together. Ernie, you little rascal.

As faithful readers of these here musings know, I have an ongoing thing with bestie, N. What started off as a harmless prank (me trying to hook her up with a former American Idol contestant) has apparently continued into us habitually trying to ‘get’ one another.

After the American Idol thing, she signed me up as a date to be auctioned off for charity. At a Korean church. I’m 5′10″.

Here’s the latest –

Phonecall from N to Zoe:

N: Did you sign me up to be on ‘The Bachelor’?
Zoe: What did they say?!
N: They said I’d be perfect. That I had written that I was direct — so of course they’re thinking I’d be bringing the bitchy — and have a lot to offer.
Zoe: hahahaha! Really? Do it! It will be hilarious! I’ll be your moral support!
N: Hell no, I’m not going to do it! You do it! Did you sign yourself up too?
Zoe: No!
N: They told me that auditions are tomorrow and they’d love to see me there. I told them I had no idea how I got signed up. Then the girl on the phone told me the application was fillled out in the first person.
Zoe: Take it as far as it will go! You don’t have to be on the show! I’ll drive you to the audition/casting call/whatever!
N: No! Mom would kill me! She thinks they’re all a bunch of whores! You did sign me up, didn’t you?
Zoe: Yes!
N: Oh, you’re dead meat…! What the hell picture did you use?
Zoe: The one where you’re wearing the black sequined dress, holding a pinkish martini.
N: Of course they want me on the show! They think I’m a raging bitch and an alcoholic!